Friday, April 18, 2008

The bear facts of security

There’s a new bear in town! Look out you ne’re-do-wells of south Nashville, there is a new breed of street vigilante loping down your streets. I don’t know where exactly he came from but one thing’s for sure…don’t cross Honey Bear. Sweet to those who do good and sour towards those who don’t, Honey Bear is making his list and checking it twice…and then mauling the ones that don’t make the grade. Sometimes I let him ride in my sidecar. Don’t make him mad! Mostly he hates prostitution and petty drug dealing, but I’m pretty sure he gets pissed about littering and folks who don’t take driving their 10 ton gas guzzling SUV’s seriously.

Did I mention his claws are sharp? Also his intuition and his eyes are as keen as an eagle’s (unlike most bears I have heard of).

Sometimes he comes by our shop and hands out free treats to good boys and girls. What a bear!

Look out for this sign if you plan on causing Mischief. And then consider taking your mischief elsewhere.

Don’t blame us. We warned you that a big, golden yellow, honey bear might maul or hit you with a heavy, gnarled stick if he sees you causing trouble (that is if the police aren’t around to handle things…always let the authorities handle the situation if you can kids). Or he might give you some treats if you are doing something nice.

You know your own heart and Honey bear is watching just in case you are a scoundrel.

When else has $30 bought you so much peace of mind?

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